Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
