that's an acceptable place to lick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
