i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
