Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
