It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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