somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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