Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
