Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
