If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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