im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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