Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
