your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
