Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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