Plan B is the new Plan A
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
