I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
