it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
