non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
