i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
