he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
