I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
