No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
