I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm at about main and main street
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
