I can tuck mytits in my pants
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
God, I missed his penis.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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