We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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