summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
