??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
