Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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