Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
