I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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