The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
