you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
