real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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