Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
