Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
