Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
