so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
