even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
