this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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