Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's get the cat blown out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
