Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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