As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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