I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
