Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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