well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
