Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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