Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
