My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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