One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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