i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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