Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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