I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
