Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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