question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
