Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
