I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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