I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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